Written by: Quatermain the Great & Baby Dee

This column is an advice column purely for entertainment purposes. Any advice given in this column is to be taken lightly. HHLO.net is not responsible for any actions taken by any persons from this advice.

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. I care about her dearly although just became serious. We always talk about possible marriage and all that good stuff, but there is one problem. Her feet! Now I am not a fetish guy at all. It usually means nothing to me. But she has the most horrendous feet I have ever seen. From heel to toes, it’s like it doesn’t even match her. From head to ankle is all her and she got some 100 year old man feet. I try to look past it but I can’t. Whether done up or in sexy shoes her feet are from hell. It turns me off when we are intimate to the point I go out of my way to not see her feet, (fear my guy will not salute when needed to). I want this to be forever but I can’t get past it, what do I do?

~The Funky Foot Hater

Quatermain the Great: Well Doggy, I after a full hearty laugh, thought about your problem. A suggestion of mine is, invest in some socks, preferable an ankle sock. I figured with ankle socks you still get the feel of the foot and you cut out the horribly haunting foot your lady posses. You seem to really care about her so you should try to exhaust every option to try to make things work.

When you’re making love stare in her eyes, if she’s as bad as you say it should be easy to lock eyes with her. I understand it may be hard, I myself love to admire the whole body but when your “doing it” parts are moving and if you look around too much you are gonna catch your shorties talons, and the party is over. Other than that it is okay not to be attracted to something about your significant other, be happy it’s something like her nasty feet. She could have an f’ed up mouth.

Baby Dee: No offense to my partners response, but I don’t want you staring at me the whole time we’re bumping uglies. LMAO! Here’s a real response that may educate a bit…

As a woman, I know all too well about the pretty feet syndrome. There’s this guy I used to date, the first thing he looks at is feet, he’s kind of got the Eddie Murphy in Boomerang thing going, can’t stand nasty feet. Many times, I had to make sure my shyt was freshly pedicured the day I saw him, to make sure everything was just right, even going so far as to paint my toes the colors he suggested to make him happy. I was a damn fool.

But there is one thing that every man should know…heels jack a woman’s feet up. If their feet are beautiful now, they will not be when their older due to the constant pressure on the balls of their feet. I’m telling you, as much as we do to pull off the 4 inch stilettos to look fine and appealing to our men, there are repercussions. Trust when I say standing on your toes for 5 hours straight at the club, dancing and chatting with you fools, end up killing our feet by the end of the night, so enjoy your woman for who she is, and get off the superficial shyt, because when it comes down to you being 50 together, her toes are gonna be trash anyways, and I’m sure your toes won’t be suckable either.

In the meantime, before she turns 50, I won’t suggest socks, but maybe thigh high stockings in bed? Or how about this, try the positions that are out there where you don’t have to see her feet, (legs on shoulders type stuff), and avoid all mirrors when getting intimate. But whatever you do, do not do reverse cowgirl! Her monsters will be in your face the whole time!

But save the girl some heartache in the long run, if you can’t get past it, move on. It seems pretty petty if you like her, that you’d let this come between you. And I’m sure there’s something about you she’s over looking, like that one hair that is constantly sticking out of your nose. (You know who you are)!

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My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. I care about her dearly although just became serious. We always talk about possible marriage and all that good stuff, but there is one problem. Her feet! Now I am not a fetish guy at all. It usually means nothing to me. But she has the most horrendous feet I have ever seen. From heel to toes, it’s like it doesn’t even match her. From head to ankle is all her and she got some 100 year old man feet. I try to look past it but I can’t. Whether done up or in sexy shoes her feet are from hell. It turns me off when we are intimate to the point I go out of my way to not see her feet, (fear my guy will not salute when needed to). I want this to be forever but I can’t get past it, what do I do?

~ Dayum Her Feet R Killin Me

Quatermain the Great: Well Dayum, I after a full hearty laugh, thought about your problem. A suggestion of mine is, invest in some socks, preferable an ankle sock. I figured with ankle socks you still get the feel of the foot and you cut out the horribly haunting foot your lady posses. You seem to really care about her so you should try to exhaust every option to try to make things work.

When you’re making love stare in her eyes, if she’s as bad as you say it should be easy to lock eyes with her. I understand it may be hard, I myself love to admire the whole body but when your “doing it” parts are moving and if you look around too much you are gonna catch your shorties talons, and the party is over. Other than that it is ok not to be attracted to something about your significant other, be happy it’s something like her nasty feet. She could have an f’ed up mouth.

Baby Dee: No offense to my partners response, but I don’t want you staring in my eyes the whole time we’re bumping uglies. LMAO! Here’s a real response that may educate a bit…

As a woman, I know all too well about the pretty feet syndrome. There’s this guy I used to date, the first thing he looks at is feet, he’s kind of got the Eddie Murphy in Boomerang thing going, can’t stand nasty feet. Many times, I had to make sure my shyt was freshly pedicured the day I saw him, to make sure everything was just right, even going so far as to paint my toes the colors he suggested to make him happy. I was a damn fool.

But there is one thing that every man should know…heels jack a woman’s feet up. If their feet are beautiful now, they will not be when their older due to the constant pressure on the balls of their feet. I’m telling you, as much as we do to pull off the 4 inch stilettos to look fine and appealing to our men, there are repercussions. Trust when I say standing on your toes for 5 hours straight at the club, dancing and chatting with you fools, end up killing our feet by the end of the night, so enjoy your woman for who she is, and get off the superficial shyt, because when it comes down to you being 50 together, her toes are gonna be trash anyways, and I’m sure your toes won’t be suckable either.

In the meantime, before she turns 50, I won’t suggest socks, but maybe thigh high stockings in bed? Or how about this, try the positions that are out there where you don’t have to see her feet, (legs on shoulders type stuff), and avoid all mirrors when getting intimate. But whatever you do, do not do reverse cowgirl! Her monsters will be in your face the whole time!

But save the girl some heartache in the long run, if you can’t get past it, move on. It seems pretty petty if you like her, that you’d let this come between you. And I’m sure there’s something about you she’s over looking, like that one hair that is constantly sticking out of your nose. (You know who you are)!